Bullying

"We urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, cheer the fainthearted, support the weak, be patient with all."
1 Thess. 5:14
 
"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a wish fulfilled is a tree of life." Proverbs 13:12

"You have heard that it was said, 'You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I say to you, love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you." Matthew 5:43-44

"I have told you this so that you might have peace in me. In the world you will have trouble, but take courage, I have conquered the world." John 16:33

"Kindness is a virtue that could stamp out bullying.  If more children are taught to be kind, bullies will have less support and be fewer in number." 

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." - The Golden Rule

Did you know that bullying is a rising problem in schools and can happen anywhere in other places as well such as the park, on sports teams, on the bus and other places where there is little adult supervison?  Kids get bullied every single day so if it's happened to you, know that you are not the only one and you haven't asked for it. 

Kids can be cruel and mean and want to hurt a person's reputation or harass others though personal attacks that are not good natured.   It may be in the form of verbal name-calling, teasing, gossiping, insults, threats, spreading rumors or leaving you out of a group activity on purpose.  It can also be in physical ways such as hitting, punching, shoving, and kicking.  

Why do bullies act this way?  Bullies use aggression to have power and often they do not feel good about themselves and long for attention.  They may think it's fun to hurt others' feelings.  They may think that bullying will make them feel important or better about themselves.  They use hurtful behavior because they want a feeling of superiority and security.  They may even be acting out against the anger and loneliness that they feel at home.  Words can hurt even if they aren't true much longer that a black eye. 

Besides verbal and physical, there is another type of bullying - cyberbullying.  This form of bullying can can occur over the Internet, social networking sites and instant messaging.  A cyberbully might broadcast your personal information with the purpose of embarrasing or hurting you.  Cyberbullying can also take place with text messages, cell phones and chat rooms.

Bullying is wrong and should not be tolerated.  Bullies should in no way cause you physical harm or violate you in any way.  They like to intentionally play into any insecurities you may have about yourself.   Bullies usually have pain and inadequacies and need to feel like they have power so they belittle others.  They may tell you you are ugly, that you're no good, make you feel small and try and take your joy away.

You can learn some techiniques to handle a bully ridiculing you and show that you are not taking the attacks personally.  These kids usually are seeking an emotional reponse. You should try to stay calm and not react to the teasing (count to 10 to avoid an emotional reaction).  You can ignore the teasing, pretend the bully is invisible, act like it doesn't bother you, do not care what they have to say and are even amused or surprised by the bullying behavior.   You can try and roll with it and blow it off.  You should never tease back but you can develops tactics to throw off the bullies and confuse them.  You can use the comeback, "Thanks for telling me", "And your point is"? and "Really? I hadn't noticed ... I would have gone around all day without knowing!"  You can try and act more confidenly by practicing those mentioned phrases, saying them calmly and assertively each time.  Standing up for yourself in this manner will maybe help convince them to leave you alone.  You can work on building your confidence back up and learn to trust again so you can feel safe with other kids again.

You shouldn't ever believe a word of the abuse that bullies dish out.  Bullies are never justified in their actions of picking on you and making your life miserable. You need to know that you didn't do anything to deserve it. While they will try to make you afraid and even doubt your abilities, have faith in the fact no one is superior or inferior to the next person. Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses; everyone is incompentent in lots of areas.

Bullies make a moral choice to harm you and will have to answer to God someday. Fighting back or retaliating will only make the situation worse and doing so will make you just as bad as them. After being bullied, you may not feel safe in the world, you can develop fear and intense anger and a need for revenge. You shouldn't treat the bullies in the same way they treated you. You don't want your behavior to be controlled by the bully. If you treat them like a friend when they treat you like an enemy, you will be controlling them. You need to learn to resolve arguments without violent words or actions and walk confidently, standing up for yourself.

If adults shrug it off and make excuses, telling you that it's part of life, stop being a whiner, be strong or keep a stiff upper lip, then you need to go to a repected person who will listen and help.  This is just too big of a problem to solve by yourself. Having close friends can be a good safety net for you.  There is strength in numbers.  Bullies like to single out their targets.  They don't like confronting a group.

After there has been repeated abuse by the same person(s) and you've taken the advice of not letting them get you down, ignoring them or having a funny retort or strong comeback, you must tell your parents or another authority figure to put a stop to it even if the bully warns you not to.  You will not be able to rescue yourself if there are serious threats which are leading to physical aggression.

Adults have a way of intervening and making it sound like you didn't snitch or tattle on them. Chances are there are other kids they are harrassing so they wouldn't even know the source. You should be so proud of yourself for speaking out against a bully and do it even if you feel afraid that worse things will happen. You can air out your thoughts, feelings and frustrations about the situation to someone who will listen and take it seriously. When the bully is warned or punished, that will hopefully make the bully think twice about ever taunting or laying a hand on any other kid.
 
It doesn't matter what bullies think of you. You are special, loved and valued.  You are God's creation and you need to turn to Jesus, see yourself through His eyes, trust your life to Him and pray.  God is with you even when you are being bullied and He understands completely how you feel.  God will help you resist fear when facing bullies.  You can talk to Jesus anytime and He will listen and encourage you.  He certainly understands persecution so knows exactly what you are going through since he experienced such ridicule and abandonment  in His suffering. 
 
If you have an anger where you want to seek revenge on your tormenter, you can give your anger to God.  You can go to confession and seek forgiveness for that deep resentment you are feeling.  If you don't control your anger, it will probably spill over and be misdirected to relationships with your family members.  You will be able to eventually forgive the bully with Jesus' help so you won't allow bitterness to control you.  He will see you through, give you courage and help you to have peace when others are mean.  So remember to see yourself as God sees you and turn it over to Him.  Then you may even start to feel compassion for the bully and someday may even make them a friend.

Even if you've never been harrassed, it is your duty to tell an authority figure if you see it happening around you. You're just as guilty being a bystander if you don't speak up in some manner. You don't want to be a coward when you see a classmate or friend get bullied. You certainly don't want to go along with it and join in on the aggression in order to avoid being targeted yourself. You can honor God by using your voice to defend the timid and encourage the weak by standing up for the victim or telling someone in authority so they can intervene.