Pre-marital Sex

“God created man in his image; in the divine image he created him; male and female he created them. God blessed them, saying: Be fertile and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it.” Gen 1:27-28

"Now the works of the flesh are obvious: immorality, impurity, licentiousness, idolatry, sorcery, hatreds, rivalry, jealousy, outbursts of fury, acts of selfishness, occasions of envy, drinking bouts, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God." Galatians 5:19-21

"Immorality or any impurity or greed must not even be mentioned among you, as is fitting among holy ones, no obscenity or silly or suggestive talk, which is out of place, but instead, thanksgiving." Ephesians 5:3

"This is the will of God, your holiness: that you refrain from immorality, that each of you know how to acquire a wife for himself in holiness and honor, not in lustful passion as do the Gentiles who do not know God." 
1 Thessalonians 4:3-5

"Do you not know that the unjust will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators nor idolaters nor adulterers nor boy prostitutes nor practicing homosexuals nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor robbers will inherit the kingdom of God." 1 Corinthians 6:9-10

"The body, however, is not for immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord is for the body. Avoid immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the immoral person sins against his own body." 
1 Corininthians 6:13 b, 18

"But because of cases of immorality every man should have his own wife and every woman her own husband. The husband should fulfill his duty toward his wife, and likewise the wife toward her husband." 1 Corininthians 7:2-3

"Put to death, then, the parts of you that are earthly: immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and the greed that is idolatry." Colossians 3:5

"So turn from youthful desires and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord with purity of heart." 2 Timothy 2:22

"He said in reply, "Have you not read that from the beginning the Creator made them male and female and said, "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, no human being must separate." Matthew 19:4-6


There is a lot of talk going on around you about pre-marital sex or fornication. Sex is just about in every song, magazine, newspaper, TV show and movie. The media makes you think that everyone is "doing it" but in fact, everyone's not doing it. Sexual talk, innuendoes and jokes are quite the norm in our sex-crazed society. Our highly sexualized culture tells us that sex outside marriage or premarital sex is okay because it feels good and will make you popular and feel worthwhile. The world may have nice, fun terms for pre-marital sex, terms such as "sleepin' around," "doin' it," "getting some," "foolin' around," "having an affair," "a fling," "one-night stand," "hooking up," "friends with benefits" and "losing your virginity."

Popular media show unrealistic expectations of what true love feels like. Romantic love isn't love at first sight since a trusted and committed love are qualities that take time to build. Exploring your sexuality with no strings attached will only harm you emotionally. Sex changes a relationship forever and can have powerful repercussions such as exploitation, pressure, disrepect and lowering your self-worth either during or after a sexual relationship. A lot of teens later wish they would have waited and wished they would not have disregarded the warnings and disobeyed God's laws. The Bible warns you not to believe it when the world tells us that "sex outside of marriage is okay as long as you are practicing safe sex," or that "same-sex unions are normal and they should have the same status as male/female marriages." God's Word warns you not to fall for these man-made standards of living.

Sex is not just the act of sexual intercourse, it bonds a man and a woman together. It is more than just an act. Any kind of pleasure to the body is sex, even if it is not the textbook way. It is intended to be a union that comes out of the marriage covenant. Sex isn't really what most people are probably looking for - they're looking for intimacy or the emotional need for closeness instead. It's the emotional intimacy that confirms a relationship, but you don't need sexual intimacy to connect. Love is the emotion and sex is the act so “having sex” and “making love” are two different things! Generally speaking, girls seek intimacy and guys seek sexual activity. God designed it that guys seek sex to feel loved and girls need to feel loved to have sex.   In other words, girls use sex to get love and guys use love to get sex.  The girl may give into sex to hold onto the relationship and they guy wants sex even more than the relationship itself.  The girl may be picturing marrying the guys someday while they guy is picturing everything he wants to do with the girl before he goes back to tell his buddies about it. 

Nonetheless, a sexual union is designed for the marriage relationship only. Hooking up, or physical pleasure for fun, will take away from the close bond and depth of a relationship. The couple is only treating one another as objects and using each other for their own gratification. There is no exchange of giving or receiving love and they'll never be satisfied or be relieved of their feelings of loneliness or boredom. This, in turn, will make them feel empty and may even lead to depression. It is then that they lose respect for the sacredness of their bodies. Sin is tempting and doesn't usually come with warning or stop signs. God calls us to control our passions and wait for marriage. If you keep your eyes on God, he will allow you to set boundaries so you can resist temptation. Studies show that if you "sleep around,” you will not be fulfilled in your marriage later in life.

Sex may seem very cool to you, but it can make you feel bad about yourself and your partner. It will bring a lot of emotional and spiritual struggles, too. Just saying “no” to it may not be enough. You have to think about it ahead of time, make a plan, and follow through with your plan. Be aware, since flirting can quickly turn into experimentation. The human body is designed to respond to foreplay, kissing, touching and other sexual stimulation and is not designed to just stop. So be sure to think before you act - use self-control, think about your future and the consequences. It's a lot easier too when you have support from your parents, friends and people you trust. It takes a strong person, one backed up by the strength of God, to resist temptation and be a good example to your peers. You can always have the comeback, "At anytime I could become like you, but you can never again be like me" You can better believe that they'd admire you and wish that they had waited in making their critical decision to have sex outside the bounds of marriage.

Your motto should not be "If it feels good, do it." Instead, you should be doing all you can to avoid those people and things that will cause you to stumble and give in to sexual temptations. It doesn't matter what all of your friends are doing or what you see in movies or videos or even what unmarried people who live in your own house are doing. God's Word has not changed. God wants us to have sexual relations with your spouse only. And as Catholic Christians, we are to use our body in ways that glorify God. God knows what is best for us. He has given us standards to follow because He wants to save you from yourself and from the pain you can bring to your life. There is so much pressure for you to be sexually active and as your sexual hormone production increases, you may think about it often. But giving up your virginity is not what makes you feel like a man or woman.

Remember that you are more than just a body. You are creation of God and your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. When God creates something, He creates it with purpose and design. God created sex, so it is a beautiful thing. God created sex for the obvious reason of procreation, for creating new life, but God also wanted Adam and Eve to develop intimacy with one another. Sex is then a miraculous and sacred act. That God allows us to take part in co-creating lives with Him is such an unbelievable honor. The Bible says it is the way for a husband and wife to express their love for each other. Yes, husband and wife! God did create it to be a beautiful and enjoyable expression of love, but only between a man and wife.

Being abstinent and staying chaste is respecting God's gift as well as the dignity of the person you are dating. Your body may be sending you strong messages with the hormones you produce, but those hormones may only make it feel like you are in love. The desire to have sex can be very strong and you are adjusting to your new body filled with hormones. You need not give into your raging hormones. It is only by relying on God for strength that you can truly fight off the temptation to have sex. God wants you, His child, to choose obedience and self-control instead of instant pleasure. You should avoid situations which might cause you to compromise your commitment to sexual purity and have regrets later.

It is a lie to think that sex is what makes a relationship work. You don't have to have sex with someone to prove you like or love them. Intimacy is what it takes to make a relationship strong, that is, sharing time, thoughts, beliefs, feeling, mutual respect and being affectionate without having sex. The messages out there in the world are that you need to feel liberated and express your sexual identity, to not suppress who you are. These are the views expressed in the media and in movies. But in fact, sex won't fulfill you and you won't be a more complete person or experience a higher form of living. It is a complete myth in our culture and sex gets too much hype. It's not what the movies make it out to be.  The movies never show that "love hangover" or the "emptiness" feelings that the characters may be experiencing the next morning. 

The one thing that God desires most from you is your obedience. God wants you to glorify Him by the way we use our bodies. If you want to live for Christ, then you should no longer be living for yourself; but instead you should be living to glorify God. God's commands are not always easy to follow. Being an obedient child of God in this area requires you to see this sin the way God sees it. He wants you to turn our backs on the ways of this world. You cannot think of sex as just something exciting and fun to do. You must learn to treasure and respect your body as something that is beautiful and special, a work of art that is only to be shared with one person under God's conditions. And when you are disobedient to God in this area, you even run the risk of harming our relationship with our Heavenly Father. God still loves you and will forgive you, but you might feel too ashamed to go to God in prayer.

When you go against God's specific standards, it can become harmful and destructive. You can choose to do things God's way and experience the beauty of His plan, or you can choose to do things your way and experience the physical dangers like an unwanted pregnancy that may lead to abortions, the frightening realities of sexually transmitted diseases, sexual dysfunction, AIDS as well as the emotional dangers and shame. You may even rob yourself of the ability to have a fulfilling sexual relationship in the future when you do get married.

So are you're still why you should save sex for marriage? Let’s sum up why. God is the one who created sex. It is His gift to us. And God gave you the ability to enjoy sex not only so that we could reproduce, but it is also a way for husbands and wives to bond and experience intimacy. God wants you to experience fulfilling, joyful sexual relations with the person to whom you are married; otherwise, he wants you to lead a celibate life.

If God didn't want you to enjoy sexual relations, He would not have made sex pleasurable. He is the author of sex, love and relationships and His Word makes it clear that He only gives sexual relations His blessing when it occurs between a husband and a wife. The reason for this is because God wants what is best for you and knows that knowing Him will being you the most fulfillment and satisfaction.

What a lot of people don't realize is that sex is not just something that is to be done casually for temporary pleasure. When you are intimate with someone in a sexual way, you are actually "becoming one" with that person on a deep spiritual level that goes far beyond just temporary thrills.

Are you using your body in a way that you think would make God proud?  Masturbation is a selfish act where you take advantage of and abuse God's gift.  God cares about what we do with our bodies, in public or in private, and He doesn't want you to abuse ourselves in any way. This activity does not lift you up spiritually. It brings you down. God did not create our sexual organs so that you could fantasize and have sex by yourself. God created sexual pleasure as something to be shared and experienced between two people -- a husband and a wife. Masturbation will not truly relieve the sexual pressure that you may feel. It may for a short moment, but in the long run it only creates a deeper desire and capacity for sex, which will lead to more masturbation and, ultimately, the desire for sexual intercourse.  And with masturbation, there is a vicious circle. You are only temporarily satisfied. And the more you indulge in this activity, the more addicted you become to it.  When you fantasize and masturbate, you open your hearts and mind up to strange and perverse thoughts and possibilities.

You may feel weak within yourself, but God will equip you with His holy power to overcome any sin if only you ask in faith.  Maybe you sometimes feel overwhelmed by the temptations that you face. But never underestimate the power that you have over sin. On your own you might not be that strong, but with God's power, you can overcome.  You can fight and be victorious against your sexual thoughts and desires.  Self-control takes effort.   God will help you to reject those things that will cause you to stumble, whether it be sexually-themed movies, music, books, videos, anything that fills your mind with images and words that will make you weak and vulnerable.  When you have unmarried sex or masturbate, there is shame, regret, and loss of self-respect. On the other hand, when you are intimate with your husband or wife, there is no shame. Every time you casually have sexual relations with someone to whom you are not married, a little bit of your soul dies in a way. You have given away something that is valuable and precious, and you may feel that your honor has been taken away. When you honor the opposite sex by not taking advantage of them, you are honoring yourself by doing what you know is right in your heart.  You can have then that special bond and a lasting commitment without buying the cow and getting the milk for free.  Then you will see how you can get to know one another emotionally, mentally and spiritually, not just physically.

Even if you have acted inappropriately in this area, it is not too late to stop what you are doing and to recommit your life and body to God. The Bible tells us that no matter how bad we think we are or how much we have already sinned, God is able to forgive us and make us whole again if we only confess our sins, repent and turning away from the sin. All of the above Bible verses show that it is still not too late for you to make a fresh start with God. Won't you stop chasing your own lusts and start letting God lead you? The cheap thrills that you could gain by living like the rest of this sinful world cannot compare to the beautiful, rich relationship that you can have if you obey God's Word and follow His standards for living.

You must go to God in prayer and ask for the strength you need to not give in to the temptations of the flesh. You will need to make it a point to not put yourself in situations where you are likely to stumble. God will reward you if you choose to honor Him and save sex for marriage. You'll have the joy of waiting for your future spouse and deepening your love with each other. Your Church and your family have expectations for you to live up to. May you have the wisdom and judgment to handle these commitments with the guidance of the Holy Spirit living within you, helping you to resist the temptation of engaging in pre-marital sex.  You'll not only have a stronger relationship with God as a result of depending on Him, you'll have a better and stronger marriage someday because you waited.  

You shouldn’t move in with someone or have sleepovers no matter how commonplace it is in this world. So it is a poor decision that goes against the will of God. Just because our society has lowered its standards does not mean that you need to. In fact, shacking up is a demeaning nickname and it’s not known as “living in sin” for nothing. It can cheapen and ruin the uniqueness of marriage. A healthy relationship does not require sex to be intimate. It is only waiting to receive each other from the Lord that allows you as a couple to establish real intimacy.

So sex is not something to base your relationship on because it was not designed to be a test to find a good spouse so waiting to share the gift of sex for your honeymoon will only train you in faithfulness. Even when you get engaged, it may feel that you are “almost married” but your vows and a permanent commitment has not been made before God. It is at this time that you should be preparing for marriage as a sacrament and laying the foundation for the rest of your lives. It is a time of serious discernment and sex can even blind your ability to see your relationship clearly. With love being patient, you can be better confident in your love knowing that you will have the rest of your lives to enjoy sex.


Give your child a blessing

We ask God for protection over your innocence and purity, and for that of your spouse. May He fill your life with good relationships including you, O Lord. May you feel accepted and influenced by good friends. We ask, too, for Godly people to positively influence your life at the crossroads you will face. We bless you and ask that You, O Lord, fill my child with "whatever things are true, noble, just, pure lovely, of good report, have virtue or anything praiseworthy ... may you think on these things." Go before my child and prepare the way for a life of purity and modesty. In Jesus' name, we pray.